Love of my life...
Posted at 12:33 PM

Ive gotten sick of fooling around and fooling myself. Im shifting my gears and moving to a different, better path of living. I was being stupid when I thought that what im doing is making me a stronger person. Most people think it was cool, but it really isnt. It was fun, alright, but then, when im all by my lonesome self, i feel empty, even emptier than an empty cup.

After being told of it so many times, only now had i come to believe that if i want something, well, its SOMEONE, really really bad, then id have to work for it... prove myself worthy of it. Praying does help but not if i wont be deserving that prize im living for.

I usually tell others that im not a very patient person. I hated waiting, being put on hold, waiting in line, and other instances when i would have to spend time doing, impractically, nothing at all. But for the one love that i have in all the years of my life that i had known what love is... im willing to wait... even if it takes forever and a half. I just love him so much that i know i'll do anything... everything... just to have him here with me.

I really dont know where i would pick myself up if i lose that person because of human stupidity. I wont forgive myself if losing him would be my fault. I never prayed so much in my entire life before, but for him i learned that the only one i could truly depend on is God.

People have tried keeping us apart, and they succeeded, but we found each other again... had forgiven each other and forgotten the pain that we felt in the year we havent been together. We were so happy together, so good together that we wish it wont ever end.

Now, circumstances has kept us apart... but i believe that all the promises we made with and for each other will have its right time to be fulfilled. There's just so much trust, so much love and faith... that i cant bring myself to quit... no matter how hard i try to convince myself to quit it. Somehow, somewhere deep inside of me says to just have faith and be patient.

I love you honey ko... i love you so much!!!

Breakfast at Tiffany's...
Posted at 01:57 PM

Actually, that should be Breakfast at KFC - Cubao... That was Saturday morning, 02/26/2005. I thought miss vhannie was just joking, but we really waited for him for an hour. We couldnt keep waiting for long so we decided to go ahead. I felt both relief and dismay. But then halfway through to Citibank, he called and said he'll be along in a little while. I was as nervous as hell.

We went ahead to wait for him at Citibank while ms vhannie waited near Cybermall. When i saw them there, my tounge left my mouth. I dont know what to say, nor do. I tried to stay as casual as possible, and calm. Good thing i met an old friend on the way coz that gave me reason to keep myself busy with texting while we were on our way. He was sitting opposite of us, and i can only glance at him once in a while.

We ordered individually and i was doubting if i can eat with my usual appetite if we'll all be in one table. He sat beside me, to my left. First words he said to me, "may, thank you sa pamasahe ha". I wasnt expecting it... my stupid reply was, "nye, wala yun, ok lang yun". Shit! I could have said something better. He was sitting beside me, we were like, elbow to elbow, coz the table was cramped. Im trying to be my normal self but i know i was feeling stiff. I could barely move.

Everyone was telling stories while i could only smile when they were laughing. He wasnt laughing much too... but that was usual of him. I was a nervous wreck. But inside, i was so happy. He was my ultimate crush, my biggest crush. He was the other one i could love aside from the only love of my life. I was happy just having him there even if i cant speak to him. I like him because i see him perfectly... he's the guy anyone would dream of. I love my honey ko just because i love him... because of what he is... because he is reality... my reality.

At last it was time to go. I felt awkward mentioning everyone's name so i simply said bye, then mentioned only miss vhannie. I wanted to faint when i heard him specially mention my name in his goodbye, it was like, "bye may". That's a bonus. I gathered all courage to say, "bye denver". Great! At least i didnt fumble. I wish there'd be a next time. I want to hear him married off to her girlfriend so that my infatuation on him would fade and end.